


I'll keep coming

by attheendoftheworld



Series: Bridges [1]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Friends, Higgs needs a hug, Higgs not being a total asshole for once, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, i just want them to be friends okay?, takes place after the events of the game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:00:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23496427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attheendoftheworld/pseuds/attheendoftheworld
Summary: Sam realizes he's screwed up when it's already way too late. It was his own presumptuousness, his own ego, that has brought disaster upon him, the only one to blame is himself. Sure, the order sounded easy enough. A rather short trip compared to crossing America by foot, a route he's taken many times before, piece of cake for the great deliverer. If only he hadn't underestimated the harsh winds that brought thick black clouds from East. First came the rain. Then came the BTs.Sam runs intro trouble. In more than one way.
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges & Higgs Monaghan
Series: Bridges [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690624
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65





	I'll keep coming

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Just to give you a heads up, this is my first fic ever and English isn't my first language so... Please let me know if anything makes no sense at all but also... Please be nice ^^;
> 
> This is going to be a 3 parts series.

Sam realizes he's screwed up when it's already way too late. It was his own presumptuousness, his own ego, that has brought this disaster upon him, only one to blame is himself. Sure, the order sounded easy enough. A rather short trip compared to crossing America by foot, a route he's taken many times before, piece of cake for the great deliverer. If only he hadn't underestimated the harsh winds that brought thick black clouds from East. First came the rain. Then came the BTs.

It's not like Sam is inexperienced with them, God no. He always makes sure to carry hermetic granates whenever he goes for a trip, always brings that extra blood bag along. But throwing grenade after grenade will eventually suck your blood you dry, no matter how many BTs you've send back to the beach before.

As he stands on the top of a small hill now, his feet sinking into the mud, he desperately wishes he had a Bridge Baby. But of course, Bridge Baby technology is now a thing of the past, banned by president John Blake McClane himself, so all Sam has left to rely on is his DOOMS. The icy chills he feels crawling up his spine tell him he's surrounded. There have to be dozens of them. Sam exhales. His breath forms tiny clouds in the air. Everything is unnatural quiet, expect for the constant pattering of the rain and his own shallow breathing. His skin prickles; chiral allergy.

Slowly he rises his hand, covering his mouth and nose. It's his last chance to escape the slimy claws of those creatures that he can't see, but feel so very close to him. His instinct tells him, no, _yells_ at him to RUN, but Sam forces himself to stand still. Don't move, if you want to survive. That's the first thing you learn when dealing with BTs. Sam learned it the hard way.

A minute passes. Just as the urge to take a breath becomes unbearable, the burning on his skin suddenly stops. Just like that. It's like a heavy veil has suddenly been lifted. Sam takes a shaky breath. That was a close one.

**Thunck**.

It's the wet and oh so familiar sound of something heavy approaching.

**Thunck**.

Sam turns around just in time to see another handprint appear on the soggy ground.

**Thunck**

**Thunck**

**Thunck**

Mud splashes where the BTs hands collide with the earth. It's moving faster now; it's hungry.

Sam turns around to run, but he's not fast enough.Black, slimy hands grab onto his ankles and yank him backwards. Sam falls, face to the ground. There's a short, sharp pain in his head and his vision goes dark for a second. Next thing he knows the ground is covered in thick, black tar. His ears are ringing and he can't say if the sound is coming from his Odradek or if it's only in his head. He doesn't have time to think about it anyway; the BTs are here.

They claw their way up his body, countless distorted faces staring at him with blind eyes, screaming for God only knows what reasons. They're reaching out for him, touching him. Fear spreads out, leaving him frozen for a second. Then his survival instincts kick in.

Sam tries to fight them, tries to shake them of, tries to get away, just get away from those damned things, but there are so, so many. Some of them grab onto his legs, some hold onto his arms, trying to pull him down. Down, beneath the tary surface. He can already smell the rotten stink of the Beach.

Sam gathers all the strength he has left in a final attempt to escape. He kicks, screams, but it's all pointless. He already knows how it's going to end. As the ringing in his ears gets louder and louder his vision starts to grow dark.

"Lou…" he mumbles.

There's a big, dark shadow hovering above him. It's the last thing Sam sees.

* * *

Lou is wearing her dress today, the blue one, the one she's been asking for for such a long time. Sam originally hadn't wanted to get it, but she wouldn't stop asking. Besides, it made a nice Christmas present. She had been obsessed with princesses ever since she saw that pre-stranding movie where all the characters were constantly singing. Sam secretly thought it was stupid, ( _how the hell does everybody know the words to the song?!_ ) but Lou loved everything about it. She made him watch that damn film a dozens of times and now Sam occasionally catches himself whistling the song the main protagonist performs in the first act. Something about not holding onto your past. Just let it go. Yeah. That's something Sam can relate to. And it is quite catchy he must admit.

"Daddy! " As Lou sees him her face turns into the widest smile, as usual. She immediately starts running towards him, arms open wide, her long blonde hair flying behind her, and Sam wants to yell over to her to be careful, _don't tumble, sweetie_!, but something isn't right. Lou gets slower and stops a few feet away from him. Her face, usually open and happy, taken on a worried look. Her brows are furrowed and she looks… angry?

" You're not really here."

Sam wants to protest, of course he is, he's right there just got back from my trip I'm 

* * *

When Sam opens his eyes he finds himself in complete darkness. It's odd, because he usually wakes up with the morning sun shining through the window onto his face.

It takes him a moment to realize that the cold, hard floor is not his matress and this place (whatever this place is) is not his bedroom. Sam tries to remember how he got here, but the only thing he knows is that he feels like he's been run over by a truck. His ears eventually find the constant dripping noise of the rain and he remembers… something. He was on his way back home and then...

Slowly his eyes adjust to the darkness, allowing him to take in more of his surroundings. The moss-covered wall he can make out tells him that he must be inside of a small cave. His cargo is nearly stacked in a corner to his right. Sam can't remember putting it there. He closes his eyes again. His head hurts so bad. It's a typical hangover from the blood loss. _Serves you right for not bringing enough blood bags, Sam Porter Bridges. Should have known better._

Right. The BT attack. He remembers now. He had run out of granates, so he tried to sneak past them only to get caught and - and then what? Voidout? A new handprint on his body? Did he create a new crater and if so… how big was the damage he caused?

But no. This doesn't feel like repatriation. Yes, the headache is horrendous, but there's no nausea, no vomiting up black tar. He tries to move carefully.

"Welcome back to the land of the living."

Sam jerks up. He quickly regrets it though, because his sore muscles protest and his head feels like it’s exploding into a thousand tiny pieces. He squints.

To his left lies the entrance to the cave. It's a narrow gap with only a little light shining through. It's just big enough to let a grown man pass. Next to this entryway sits another Porter. A tall guy, white uniform covered with mud splashes, and no corporate logo; he’s a freelancer. Sam can only make out half of the Porters face as his hood is still pulled up to guard him against the rain. 

"What the hell happened?" Sam's voice sounds coarse even in his own ears. 

"Hey, word to the wise: a 'thank you' would be appropriate. Sure as hell wasn't easy draggin' you outta the rain all the way in here."

Sam mumbles a 'thanks' while he tries to sit up. It's a surprisingly hard task for someone who's legs shake uncontrollably and who's head spins like they're drunk. It doesn't help that the other guy watches him closely without saying a word. The way he silently stares makes Sam uncomfortable. 

"Found me out there in the rain?" Sam carefully let's his back sink against the wall. Sitting up has never felt so exhausting before.

The other Porter doesn't reply. There's something strange about him. Sam wonders if he's one of those porters about to become a MULE. Not quite there, but not much more needed to tip the scale. Guy might already be scraping on insanity. Nevertheless he tries again.

"What happened? Was there a void-"

"No voidout." the Porter interrupts annoyed. “But those BTs were about to get you. Got there just in time… Well, I guess it's your lucky day, Bridges."

_Bridges?_

Sam furrows his brows. "Do I know you?"

"Hmm." The way his lips curl into a mean grin instantly sends shivers down Sam's spine. He doesn't like this, not at all. What is a freelancer doing here anyway? And all alone? Those guys usually don't come into this area, too many BTs. And the fact that he knows Sam's name? The only other Porters Sam has ever gotten to know are some of Fragiles friends. This guy is not one of them. 

"You really don't recognize me, do you… Sammy?"

_Sammy._

"What did you just call me?" 

“To be honest, I’m a little disappointed."

Something about the way he drawls out his words seems way too familiar. "I know it’s been 5 years but still… Would have expected you to remember me. I surely never forgot about you."

_Sammy._

There's only one person who's ever used that stupid nickname. Only one who would taunt him like that. But that can't be… it's not possible.

"What's your name?" Sam presse out. But that's ridiculous. It can't be. There's no way. 

"I thought a lot about you, Sam. What I would do, if we would ever meet again. What you would do. And now destiny has brought us back together again. Nice, huh?"

And then he flashes a smile at Sam.

_Careful. Contents are... fragile._

Sam's mind shuts down. Because this isn't real. It's a dream, hell, this has to be a dream, he never woke up, he's still asleep and this is a nightmare, a realistic one, but just a nightmare. Or maybe it's his mind playing tricks on him or maybe he's imagining things or maybe

_But what if_

_But what if he found a way?_

"Let me see your face.” Sam barely manages more than a breathy whisper. His head is spinning, too confused, too shocked to even think about the threat this person _(oh, you know his name, Sammy, don't you?_ ) could oppose to him.

The other Porter ( _but he’s not really just another Porter, is he?_ ) sights, dramatically, because he's always been a showman, hasn't he?, then slowly raises his hand to push down his hood.

He hasn’t changed much. Same blue eyes, same smug expression. His tattoos are still visible, the ink a little worn out and slightly paler… but still there. Sam randomly wonders if he has tried to get rid of them. If anything could give him away to authorities it's those stupid marks he carries right on his forehead. He's looks older, of course. It's been 5 years. The most noticeable change is his hair. Sam remembers that it had turned grey after he lost his power, that day on Amelie's beach. Amelie’s beach, where Fragile gave him the gun and then he-

“You shouldn't be here." Calmly. It's a statement, not a question. 

"It's kind of a funny story-"

"No!" Sam interrupts him and for a moment that everlasting cocky smirk disappears from Higgs face.

"You said it yourself: no Repatriation. You die on the beach, that’s it!" Fuck him. Fuck tweaking the rules. Sam is done with all this bullshit, he kissed the UCA goodbye, he's retired, he won't deal with any more of this fucking... Sam suddenly becomes very well aware of the fact that he has no weapons on him and if Higgs decides to settle things now he's pretty fucked. Sam would get up and fight - if it wasn't so obvious that his legs currently won't obey him. 

Higgs seems to have read his mind, or, more likely, has noticed Sam eyeing the exit. "Hey, don't sweat it. I wanted you dead, I would have left you with the BTs. Would have been a nice little firework, that void-out. Didn't drag your ass here just to kill you, no. Not like you're gonna stay dead anyway, right?" He chuckles. "So? You're gonna be a good boy and listen?" Sam doesn't get a chance to reply.

"You see, Sammy, I didn't die on the beach.”

But that's not what -

“Bullshit." Sam growls. "Fragile saw you die! She gave you that gun and you-”

“And I blew my brains straight out? That what she told you?" Higgs looks at him straight in the eye but he seems strangely calm. "Yeah, I bet she enjoyed telling you that little story." Sam doesn't miss the bitterness in his words.

“You know why humanity has lived on for so long, Sam? We’re not the best hunters. We’re not the greatest swimmers, we can’t fly, we’re the epitome of mediocre. But we’re persevering. We’re irrepressibly. We endure more than any other species. And we adapt. You know how hard it is to kill a human? Well, of course, you don't. Trust me, when I say, it's hard. Though creatures we are. You know when you…" he puts to fingers up against his head. "... try to blow your head off.” he huffs. "You better aim right.”

Sam needs a moment to process the words. None of this makes sense. Fragile told him a different story, she said saw him die. Rather took the gun than stay on the beach, isolated forever. Why would Fragile lie to him? Sam shakes his head. It's all lies.

“You want me to believe you missed-" 

Higgs interrupts him. "Oh, I didn't miss. Nope. And lemme tell you; worst headache of my life. Just didn't… quite hit the jackpot."

He pauses for a moment, his eyes now resting on the ground between his feet. When he continues to speak his voice has lost its fake light-hearted tone.

“Fragile made me choose that day. And that’s what did, Sam. I took that goddamn gun, said my last prayer… Figured the world was gonna end soon. And I never believed in Happy Endings anyway. Fragile didn’t lie to you. She saw me aim and pull that trigger. Well, that’s it folks. The end of Higgs Monaghan. Only that it wasn’t the end, was it?” He turns away from Sam, but it’s not fast enough for Sam to miss the look that appears on his face. 

“You would assume a million things go through someone’s mind when they’re dying. But when I was lying there on that fucking beach, slowly bleeding to death… only thing I did was pray to the Gods to make it quick.”

The rain still drums outside, it’s gotten even heavier now, and the wind is howling through the mountains. A chill breeze blows into the cave and makes Sam shiver. Higgs puts his hood back up and rests his head against the cave wall. He looks tired.

Sam has wished many bad things upon Higgs ever since they first met. Higgs unleashed death and destruction on him. He has killed dozens, betrayed Fragile and kept Sam away from Amelie. Sam would not have hesitated to leave him rotting on the Beach, trapped for eternity, the only company his own thoughts. 

But even though Higgs deserves death, probably deserves worse than that… Sam can't help but feel compassion for him. It's an all too familiar feeling, knowing death will come, praying it will be over soon, while being unable to do something about it... no creature on earth should have to suffer like that.. He's sure even Fragile would agree.

“Know that feeling.” It just bursts out of him, out of nowhere. Higgs turns his head to look at him, a silent request to continue. Sam clears his throat.

"Fell down a cliff once. Took one uncareful step and an unlucky landing. Ended up breaking every bone in my body. Least that’s what it felt like. Wasn’t enough to straight up kill me, though.”

Sam has never told this story to anyone and he doesn't know why he's brought it up now. All he knows is that it felt fair to share his story after Higgs has let him in on his.

“Hmm. Repatriots." Higgs raises an eyebrow. "What lucky bastards we are.”

Repatriots.

Sam always had a theory about Higgs maybe being a Repatriot too, but never really spend much thought on it. He's never met anyone else who was like him either. DOOMS? Sure, he feels like half of Bridges' members have DOOMS. But Repatriots are much rarer. Not a lot of people around who know what it's like to die and - almost instantly- come back. Not a lot who have seen the seam and most people act like it's a gift ("So you can just die and come back? That's crazy man! Come on, show me, I wanna see it!") Sam would beg to differ.

The silence that lingers between them suddenly feels way more intimate than Sam would have ever intended and he suddenly feels dirty - like he shared a secret he should've better kept to himself. He lets his gaze sink down to his boots. They need to be replaced them when he gets home. "What happened then?" he mumbles, eyes still fixed on the ground.

Higgs lets out a tired sigh. “Welp, turns out Amelie didn't want me on her beach. Who would have thought. Don't know if it was an act of kindness or malice, but she send me back just in time… I died in this world; I came back to this world. Rinse and repeat."

Sam could tell Higgs how Amelie shoved them all off her beach on that day, how she send everyone back. Him, Fragile, Die-Hardman. Kindness, malice… Sam has a feeling it was indifference that saved Higgs' life. But what's the point in telling him that? He remembers the feeling of betrayal when he found out Amelie had been lying to him this whole time. He briefly wonders if Higgs felt the same, when Amelie decided not to go through with her plan. It's weird. Amelie's love for Sam on one side. Her connection to Higgs on the other. It's almost like-

"Oh, bye the way: you're free to go, Sam." Higgs' words disrupt Sam's thoughts. He's looking at Sam, the expression on his face inscrutable.

"The weather's clearing up. Might turn into a nice day after all, hm?"

Sam has no idea how to take that remark, but he carefully gets up on shaky feet. It takes a couple of seconds for the dizziness to wear off.

"Just like that? No fightin'? You're gonna let me walk away like that?"

Higgs smiles and closes his eyes. "I already told you; I wanted you dead, I would have let the BTs take you. 'Sides… what's the point? You're gonna keep coming anyway, right?"

Sam knows he's right. Without the beach there's really no point in them killing each other; they're both Repatriots, doomed to come back each time around. He should get going. But still… something is nagging on him. Something that still doesn't make sense.

"Why did you do it? Save me?" It's the second time today the words just burst out of Sam; it's not typical for him and Sam curses himself for his loose mouth.

Minutes pass and he wonders if Higgs doesn't understand the question, when Higgs finally decides to speak up. For once his voice is hesitant.

"Back on the beach… that day Amelie decided to fuck me over… you did the same thing for me. I know, I know -" Higgs huffs and continues as if he can feel Sam's upcoming protest. "You did it for Fragile. But you did it. You didn't have to, but you did… I didn't forget that, Sam… and now hurry the fuck up before I change my goddamn mind."

Sam feels like the doesn't want to wear out Higgs' patience any longer. He grabs his cargo pack and quickly checks it. It seems to be fine expect for a few tary handprints. Nothing he can't deal with. He is slowly starting to feel a little better, certainly good enough to make it home (given that he doesn't run into any more trouble.)

He takes a cautious step towards Higgs, eyeing him like a rabbit would look at a snake. Higgs still has his eyes closed and it almost seems like he's dozing of. _Weirdo_. Sam figures that he's not getting a better chance than this. He moves past him, almost expecting Higgs to grab his ankle or jump at him last minute.

No such thing happens.

He steps outside the cave. The rain has stopped and the fresh smell of petrichor lingers in the air. The sun is peaking out behind the last few clouds, and if it wasn't for the raindrops glitzening on the grass one couldn't have guessed that a storm was raging here only a few hours ago.

Sam should really get going. He takes another step away from the cave.

"Sam."

He turns around and is met with Higgs cold eyes once again. He's not smiling this time.

"We're even now. Nothing owned. Nothing's changed. Next time I see you… you better run."

Sam turns around without giving an answer. He's not expecting there to be next time. 


End file.
